Oh, How I LOVE Thee, AMAZON. Let me count the ways.

Amazon Pic

When we first met, you were still young, yet already so grand.

More books than I’d ever seen in any bookstore.

Yet it wasn’t just the size that impressed me.

Or that you were accessible and easy to get.

There was something about the smile on your logo,

The friendly feel of your website,

The speedy shipping, with a free super saver,

And, mostly, the way you treated me, even after the sale.

Then you made your affordable prices even more attractive:

I could buy used copies for as little as a penny.

And I could sell my used books,

Even my used textbooks, and for great prices.

You did things for me that no other bookstore ever could.

You treated me like I was special,

Like I wasn’t just another customer.

You had me at the first one-click.

Then, out of the blue, when I thought you didn’t even know my name,

You bent down on one knee,

Proposing your love to me.

You said, “Publish with Us.”

I had tears in my eyes.

Could this be true?

Pinch. What? It isn’t a dream?

“Yes,” I said, “Oh, yes! I will!”

We went to CreateSpace on our honeymoon.

It was more than I’d ever dreamed of.

Then you brought me to Kindle Direct Publishing.

It was over the top.

All my prior attempts to date publishers had begun with rejection;

I couldn’t even land a date,

Couldn’t get my foot in the door,

Slammed shut in my face. “Get out! We don’t want your kind!”

But you saw my potential.

You didn’t care about my resume,

Didn’t want a query letter or book proposal.

Heck, you proposed to me!

All expenses paid, too.

I could publish with you for free.

It really was a dream come true.

More pinches; still awake.

You gave me my very own product page,

ISBN, ASIN, UPC, bar code.

You let me set my own list price.

Then you paid royalties higher than my wildest dreams!

Even more, you brought me customers.

Sales, royalties, more sales, more royalties,

Customers also bought lists,

And my very own author page.

One day, you emailed me,

And followed it up with a phone call.

You wanted to talk to little ole me.

You cared about what I had to say.

Other suitors came, trying to win my heart,

But they could never love me like you have.

They’re just after a trophy;

You want my heart.

The love never stopped.

You repeatedly come up with new ways to arouse my interest.

Freebies, Countdown Deals, Prime, Kindle Unlimited,

70% royalties, improved reports, and now even preorders.

Amazon, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.

I can’t imagine my life without you;

I can’t bear to give it another thought.

My heart is yours forever.

Copyright Β© 2014 Chris McMullen

20 comments on “Oh, How I LOVE Thee, AMAZON. Let me count the ways.

  1. And to think… just a few short years ago I thought the sweetest words in the English language would be “My Publisher.” Can’t wait to make my next book available for pre-order.
    Wait? I don’t have to! I am Wonder Woman!
    You know, cuz she was an Amazon? I may be getting carried away, here…
    (Meanwhile, I can reblog. Thanks, Chris! Um… may I call you “Chris”? We’ve only just met, after all. “Hugh” sent me.πŸ™‚ )

    • In the game of love, the big publisher was the first crush. But as so often happens in life, the first crush is that one that crushes.

      Definitely, Chris (but, to me, ‘Hugh’ is ‘His Highness’).πŸ™‚

    • There were many highly literary writers whose rejections had nothing to do with their writing, but everything to do with business. Finding a way to let their writing reach the public improves the literary world.

      Rejection, heartache, finding true love at Amazon. What a love story.πŸ™‚

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